Strike A Chord: Caregivers After the Death a Loved One

JoAnna Christy of Vineland New Jersey remembers the advice her father imparted upon her son, Blake, before her dad's passing: nothing you should ever hold you back.

"He told Blake don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do any thing. They put a man on the moon and don't you forget that," JoAnna recalled.

JoAnna's dad, Paul Infranco, hailed from Montevago Sicily. He came to this country with little means and worked as a mere machinist. But after years of working his way up in the food industry, he started what would become one of the largest meatball manufacturing companies in the country: Bouna Vita. Four years ago Paul was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. He died a couple months ago. And in the few years before his passing JoAnna was visiting her father nearly every day.

She said, "towards the end I had to assist in feeding him, assisting him to the bathroom - buckle a belt."

JoAnna says the loss of her caregiving role was one of the hardest parts of her father's passing.

"The time that I felt regret was three weeks after when I was looking for something to do and I wasn't running to his house to sit with him or to see him after work. Then you feel guilty, like [you] have this time and you're sad that they're gone."

According to psychologist Barry Jacobs, the author of the Emotional Surival Guide for Caregivers, this feeling of loss is common among caregivers.

"[Caregivers] grieve their loved one but they also grieve the gratification from doing the job that they were doing so even though caregiving has been stressful it has also been meaningful," Jacobs said.

Jacobs says caregivers can fill this void by recognizing the value of the work they did to improve the life of their loved one.